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When God
Created Fathers
By Erma Bombeck
When the good Lord was creating Fathers
he started with a tall frame, and a female angel
nearby said, "What kind of Father is that? If
you're going to make children so close to the
ground, why have you put Fathers up so high?
He won't be able to shoot a marble without kneeling,
tuck a child in bed without bending, or even kiss a
child without a lot of stooping."
And God smiled and said, "Yes, but if I make him
child-size, who would children have to look up to?"
And when God made a Father's hands, they were
large and sinewy.
And the angel shook her head sadly and said, "Do
you know what you are doing? Large hands are
clumsy. They can't manage diaper pins, small buttons,
rubber bands on pony tails or even remove splinters
caused by baseball bats."
And God smiled and said, "I know, but they're large
enough to hold everything a small boy empties from
his pockets at the end of a day..yet small enough to
cup a child's face in his hands."
And then God molded long, slim legs and broad shoulders.
And the angel nearly had a heart attack. "Boy this is
the end of the week, all right," she clucked. "Do you
realize you just made a Father without a lap? How is
he going to pull a child close to him without the kid
falling between his legs?"
And God smiled and said, "A Mother needs a lap. A
Father needs strong shoulders to pull a sled, balance
a boy on a bicycle, or hold a sleepy head on the way
home from the circus."
God was in the middle of creating two of the largest
feet anyone had ever seen when the angel could contain
herself no longer. "That's not fair. Do you honestly
think those large boats are going to dig out of bed
early in the morning when the baby cries? Or walk
through a small birthday party without crunching at
least three of the guests?"
And God smiled and said, "They'll work. You'll see.
They'll support a small child who wants to ride a horse
to Banbury Cross, or scare off mice at the summer
cabin, or display shoes that will be a challenge to fill."
God worked throughout the night, giving the Father
few words, but a firm, authoritative voice; eyes
that saw everything, but remained calm and tolerant.
Finally, almost as an after-thought, he added ~ tears.
Then he turned to the angel and said, "Now are you
satisfied that he can love as much as a Mother?"
The angel shuteth up...
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